Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I have been so busy doing nothing lately. It seems that I find many things to waste my precious time on: reading magazines, searching on the web, reading books and staring at the mounting pile of laundry. I seem to be frozen in space. Neither up nor down just floating in the atmosphere. Head in the clouds~you say? I don't know for sure. Possibly it is a limbo of sorts.

It is too cold to plant. Too cold to exercise. Too cold to picnic. Too much sun, not enough sun. Too tired. Too much pain. Not enough coffee. Not enough time. Never enough money. Too much mess. I don't have the right tools. I can't find the tools I have. Too many distractions, no motivation. Not enough determination. Too scared......

How much is my time worth? Twenty dollars and hour? A hundred? What is this that paralyses me? Self worth or fear of imperfection. Both I guess.

I assume that if I do nothing, then there will be nothing to judge. I fear JUDGEMENT. I make excuses accordingly. I fear IMPERFECTION. I do nothing to stretch my creativity. I aspire to much, but accomplishment is smothered.

Baby Step for today: Take ONE step. That's all, just one step. I don't have to fear what the next step will bring. Or if it will be the perfect step. Just take that one forward motion and make it mine.

Acknowledgement is a good place to start.

Always,
me