Sunday is a mix of work, rest and play. The children rest and play. The husband leads worship and teaches an adult Sunday School and an evening class for middle school age through young adult. Sunday's always feel rushed and over long to me. The kids rushing off to Sunday School and Children's Church then off to play with friends for the afternoon, then back to church again for the evening. My husband's schedule only differs slightly: rushing to and fro, teaching and prepping.
Sunday's feel lonely to me. Lately I have been staying home from church while all my family rushes off. I think I am done rushing and just need a true day of rest.
We have a new minister at our little church on the hill. He just happened to grow up in the same town as myself. I am finding it hard to make any connection other than this. He is an inspiring speaker and very kind but I am feeling very reserved. I am suffering such ambiguity about church right now. I am tired of smiling sweetly at people I see once a week if that, and nodding hellos. I am tired of all of the falseness of it all. Everything done on cue. Everyone safely in "their" pew. The same songs over and over because someone made a comment about the songs once upon a time. I told someone last week, as I choked up with tears, that I have actually come to dread Church...what kind of person dreads the Bride of Christ? It has me tossed and torn.