This picture of the lilacs falling out over our road is not one of my better pictures, but I really like it. It serves as a reminder that even when I am walking in the shadows, there are sunny spots along the way, with many beautiful sights to take in, while that brilliant sunny spot waits just ahead for me. It is my "Light at the end of the tunnel" and "stop and smell the roses" all rolled into one.
I am sure that everyone gets bogged down with 'stuff' every once-in-a-while, and when we are right smack dab in the middle of our 'stuff', it can be hard to see the light out ahead. There will be things that smack you in the face and irritate you and bring much frustration, much like this lilac has done to me. Then sometimes there will be things that fall into your path and bloom. Some days I get such a heavy feeling from this weight I carry called, Fibromyalgia. There are days that just moving around is painful. Simple tasks are beyond me. This is a big part of my 'stuff'. Some days I fight with God, asking him the ever brilliant and so childish, "WHY"? Who am I to complain, really? This lot sucks but I don't have cancer. I haven't lost my spouse or a child. Who am I to complain.
I have been reading a wonderful book by Jerusha Clark; Every Thought Captive.
The book is about "battling toxic beliefs". What a concept, eh? I had never thought that I, (oh so high and mighty like) little 'ole me, would have such a thing as toxic beliefs or thoughts. Well I was enlightened. In her book, Jerusha opens the door to 10 toxic belief's we woman suffer with; Self image, worry and feeling overwhelmed, to name a few. The feelings of overwhelm, are the worst for me. Just doing simple thing is very difficult for me on my bad days. Switching my perspective and being able to see my pity party feelings as toxic and depressing to my system, has been a great help.
I am cleaning out the rooms of my inner house. Bringing in the Lilac Scented cleaner, I am scrubbing down the walls. Removing all of the grimy finger prints of doubt. Sweeping out all of the wrong images of myself, I have stored for far too long. I am dusting off the humor I have kept locked away. I am washing the windows of their years of water spots, nose prints, and fly poop, so that I might see more clearly. Every day I move closer to that bright and sunny spot.
Aren't Band-aid's wonderful. They offer comfort when placed on the scrapes of little children, blood or no. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Normally, they are always there when you need them. They keep bad germs from getting into our weak and broken selves. They keep the good stuff from seeping out.
There are days I dream of a giant colorful Band-aid that would hide all my hurts. One I could slap on for those days when 'stuff' is just more than I can bear. A nice big padded one to protect me from the branches that keep slapping me in the face.
This silly little rainbow Band-aid reminded me that God promised the sun will shine again. HE is like that little Band-aid; wrapped around me, keeping the good stuff safe and keeping the bad germs out, protecting me from the branches in my path.
I shuffle through my daily struggles, dreaming of perfect pictures, rainbow Band-aids and little spots of sunshine.